I had a talk with my daughter the other day that profoundly affected me. She ended up telling me that “you are not broken, you are a bad A!” It sort of shocked me into a remembrance of my former self. I was a bad A! At least, I used to be. I knew I needed to get back there somehow, but how? I long to be me again. I have been on the journey of recovering and rediscovering me for four years now. Its been a long time and I haven’t felt like I was making any real progress. Until this week…
I signed up to take a class online. The class is called “Solar Plexus Initiation.”
The premise of the class is igniting the personal power of the 3rd Chakra or Solar Plexus. This is the power center of the body. The idea was intriguing to me because I know I have lost my power. Some of it was stolen from me, some of it, I just relinquished. It was a surrender of sorts, me giving up. Giving up is not who I am though. So I thought this class might give me some ideas of how I could reclaim my power. So I looked forward to watching the class videos for week one.
Week one. I knew this sort of transformational work would be difficult. I had no idea how hard, but I was invested, so as long as I was doing this I was going to go ALL in. My first assignment was to create an alter ego
. Someone I really wanted to be, who would show up for me, when the broken me wouldn’t cut it. I like the idea of an alter ego. The instructor said that all of us have fears and insecurities, even celebrities. He said that most of them have an alter ego that they can access to power-up their energy to pull off a performance. The problem with this is that I had no idea what my alter ego, could or should be? It turns out that I have been already laying the foundation for an alter ego all along this journey. It started with my name change. Taking back my birth name was a huge step for me, along with the decision to go by Deborah in my professional life. Another piece to my alter ego was to think of myself as a warrior. A champion for all betrayed women, hence, the Cupcake Warrior
. Being strong without becoming bitter, staying sweet. I never wanted this process to allow a door of anger and bitterness to open that I would be willing to walk though and never come back from. That was never an option for me, so I opted for a warrior spirit, with a kind and gentle heart. So with those two things already established I would use them as the beginning of the search for my alter ego. The Warrior Deborah. It turns out she was emerging all along…
With that in mind, I turned to the great and powerful Google for ideas. The search for my alter ego had commenced. Who knew that I knew right where she was all along? I began with a search for the meaning of the name and the story of Deborah. I knew I was named for the Prophetess Deborah
in the bible and I was very familiar with her story. However, in the context of my current circumstances her story took on a depth I had not seen before. I found a book online that was intriguing to me. The Deborah Anointing
, by Michelle McClean-Walters. It’s not unusual for me to read books, but this is my first foray into mainstream Christian authors, besides C.S. Lewis. Mostly I read LDS authors, but I wanted to know what a Deborah Anointing was. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? I am on a quest to find me, so I went all in. I’m so glad I did. Because in the introduction I found my alter ego. The woman who I could count on to show up for me. A woman who has always been there for me. A woman I knew I could count on with unflinching faith;
The Old Testament describes Deborah as a mighty combination of judge, intercessor, prophetess, mother of Israel, and military strategist. Deborah broke outside of her culture—not out of rebellion, but in obedience to God to set her people free.
As in biblical times God is calling today’s women to a purpose greater than themselves. The Deborah Anointing shows you that although you may have been trapped in tradition and locked into captivity by cultural and gender prejudices, (or a careless, cheating, and abusive spouse) God desires for you to break through these barriers. Now is the time to embrace the fullness of your purpose!
Whatever your sphere of influence at work, at home, or at church—will you accept the challenge to be a modern-day Deborah, stand for God, and boldly lead others to Him?
I knew that if I could count on anyone it would be the woman who had the courage to wage warfare on Canaan in a time and place when that was NOT how women behaved, and drive Sisera to the tent of Jael who then nailed Sisera’s head to the ground in his own tent. Gruesome, I know. But that is the great, unwavering faith I was looking for in order to power-up my solar plexus, to light up my world, with conviction and determination strong enough to fulfill my purpose. And at my age, I have no time to lose! I need that kind of power.
Deborah, it is. My Alter Ego.
It wasn’t an easy choice on the surface, but it was the only logic choice in the end. I searched, briefly, for a more mythical persona. Zena, Warrior Princess was appealing for a minute. Or Galadriel, the Elven Princess of Middle Earth in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. But Deborah, she is REAL! And her accomplishments are extraordinary! If you don’t know the story you can read it in Judges 4
and read the Song of Deborah in Judges 5
. Deborah’s resume’ is nothing short of impressive:
She was called to be a spokeswoman for God, a prophetess
- A mighty military strategist
- A Judge in Israel
- An intercessor
- A Mother in Israel
- She was a woman of conviction, influence and power
- She was a great leader
- She was a woman after God’s own heart
All the things I want to be.
Debbie is weak, afraid, anxious, betrayed, and broken. Deborah isn’t any of those things.
Modern-day Deborahs will be able to stand for righteousness in the midst of a wicked world. The point of Deborah’s story is that it exposes the corruption of the human heart. Israel had trouble with staying the course. Over and over they would promise to repent and then the second they were delivered they went right back to their wicked ways. That is when Deborah said, “I, Deborah, arose.” Judges 5:7.
In the times of crisis, women of God need to arise:
- To arise in a hostile sense means that Deborahs will confront the powers of darkness with the powers of God.
- To arise also means to become powerful. Power that comes from the gifts of the Spirit – faith, healing, and miracles.
- To arise can be to also be a voice for the voiceless.
- To arise means to be true to oneself. Take a stand. Be steadfast and immovable.
All of these things that mean to arise, to say, “I, Deborah, arose,” have been a confirmation of my purpose, to stand up and be a voice for women who have been betrayed by their husbands through pornography and sex addiction, espeically when it is not acceptable to talk about it.
The Deborah Principle is to confront the powers of darkness though the gifts of the Spirit, and to be a voice for the voiceless, by taking a stand. Sounds like a worthy purpose to me.
Now it is time for you to find your purpose. What is your alter ego? What is powerful enough in your life to move you to act? Here are some questions to help you figure it out:
- What is your alter ego’s name?
- What does it feel like to be your alter ego?
- How does your alter ego look, or dress, what is her body type?
- How do you move or speak? How do you think?
- What emotions do you feel when you are in your alter ego character?
- What is your character summary? What is the essence of your character?
- What is your purpose? What do you stand for?
- What makes you really angry? If you could change something in the world for the better, what would it be?
- What gets you inspired?
- Do you have a theme song?
- What is your alter ego’s back story?
Think about what you would consider if you were creating a character for a book. Your character would need to have a belief system, moral framework, a family, friends, likes and dislikes. Be as detailed as you can about writing down everything you would want to be if you could reinvent yourself. This is a process that just might help you discover your true purpose in life.
This is a pretty interesting exercise, if you will take the time to do it. You don’t have to share it with anyone, unless you want to. But it is worth at least exploring the possibilities of what you could be. Finding your alter ego means building a life that is purpose driven. It means to show up. It means to live mindfully. Who knows, you just might find that you can create a new life for yourself that makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning!
Leave me a note and tell me about your alter ego. How does your alter ego help you to power-up and show up in the world when you feel too broken, too weak, or too afraid?
Who do you want to be?
Be Strong, Stay Sweet
Deborah, the Cupcake Warrior